Saturday, 5 February 2011

ישראל (Israel)- Pt VIII: My time in Jerusalem

Today I watched my football team winning 4-0, to then lose the lead and finish the game at 4-4. I have lost the will to live. So to take my mind off it, I shall write out another Israel tale (that rhymes). Today I will tell you about the time I went to one of the most famous and mysterious cities in the world. A city that thousands, if not millions, have spilt their blood for. A city that has stoked the embers of man's greed to turn it into a raging inferno, just to have the opportunity to claim this city as their own. It's like the equivalent of 'the' ring in Lord Of The Rings. Even to this day, the city's symbolic status and the pull it has on man's heart, is stopping Israel and Palestine from ever finding peace. This city is of course; Jerusalem.

If you ever go to Israel, and MUST go to one place, then that place is Jerusalem. End of story. Goodnight. Have a nice life. I absolutely love Jerusalem. I can't exactly say why, it doesn't have the class of Milan, or the architectural beauty of central London . It just has this certain feel about it, that will stay with me until the day I die. Maybe there is something spiritual there, or (more likely) it's because it's that place you hear so much about all your life, but you know nothing about it. It's the place where Jesus Christ preached to the masses, where Jesus was betrayed by Judas and eventually was crucified on the Jerusalem hills of Golgotha. Even though I'm not a believer in the Bible, it's those stories that everybody knows and now I was about to go to the place where this is all said to have happened.

But it's lure of my curiosity didn't just stop at the Bible. It's this exact place that caused the Crusades to happen. This is the place that drove hundreds and thousands of European (and English ;) ) knights to leave all they know behind and head East, to the Holy Land. So they could take Jerusalem from the Muslims and proudly claim it for the Christians. The Crusades happened for hundreds of years. Back and forth it went between Muslim and Christian hands. Bodies relentlessly thrown at the sacred walls of the city. Until the men of Islam were finally victorious and were the indefinite gate keepers of this Holy City.

Even now, the Israeli government refuses to allow the Palestinians to make Jerusalem their state capital too. Not because of any economic or strategical gain. But because it's Jerusalem. To give up Jerusalem, is to spit in the face of God. To give up Jerusalem, is to give up your soul. To give up Jerusalem, is unthinkable. The Muslims had a hard enough time getting it back off the Christian crusaders. So to hope they can get it off this right-wing Israeli government for nothing; they don't have a hope in hell. Funny how such a Holy City which represents a good and great God; brings out the most evil and greed possible in a human being.

So when I found out Raviv had organised a trip to this city, I was over the moon. For someone who has such a hard on for history like me, Jerusalem was my Jenna Jameson. I was so looking forward to this trip, I missed my first pub night EVER so I could be fresh for the trip. I also booked a week off work, so me and my Aussie mates could travel around the country a bit more. This wasn't going to happen unfortunately, which you will later learn why. So off we set on the trip. There was a bus load of us heading down there, I always had the same seat and sat alone. Not because I didn't wash, but because I'm a greedy git who wanted both the seats to spread out on. As well, this seat was obviously at the back because that's where cool people sit. I would amuse myself on every bus trip by annoying Bruce 2. He naively thought he could sit in front of me and catch some sleep; he thought wrong.

It was on this bus trip I first saw desert. The desert is amazing, especially to someone who comes from such a green country as England. The only time I've seen desert was in Mad Max or on the news in Afghanistan, that footage is usually full of British soldiers shooting big f*ck off guns and watching bombs rain down on the Taliban from above. So needless to say, I was a bit surprised when I opened my eyes to see nothing but Ali Baba and his camel standing there. Nothing like the badlands of Helmand! It's an impressive sight though.

We stopped at some place (I literally don't know where it is) for lunch. We were all queuing up to make our own sandwiches, when I saw Raviv pull a pistol out of his bag and tucked it into his jeans. He then gave me a look and smiled and said "We are in Arab territory now". I don't know whether he was trying to shit me up or not. But I had been in the country that long now, I really wasn't too bothered. Guns and potential war don't really play on your mind as much as people think it does. Why let that ruin your time?

But he was right, we were in Arab territory. We were in the West Bank. I thought the whole West Bank was surrounded by 1000ft concrete walls, with nuke launching tanks parked on top and a 50ft deep ditch filled with man eating Jews. So I was greatly disappointed to not see this. The walls are around the settlements where most of the suicide bombers came from. There is a lot of controversy over these walls, as they are impeding human rights. But for someone who was about to go to the city which has been under attack from these suicide bombers, I queried whether these walls were high enough!

The West Bank was different to Israel (I count the two as different countries). There were lots of run down buildings, there was even people living in the middle of nowhere in makeshift houses. Proper shanty town houses. But these turned out to be Bedouins, nomads who prefer living in these makeshift homes. Never the less though, the buildings you could see far away looked terrible. It was another world compared to the thriving country next door, not even next door, literally just on the other side of the room. The landscape is beautiful though. The hills are green and then peppered with white stones all over them. Like sugar coating on a green cake. After much driving through this imaginary cake, we arrived.

The bus parked up on the Mount of Olives. We all got out and looked at the Old City from afar. So already we were somewhere that's in the Bible. To get where we were, we had to drive through East Jerusalem. If I can describe East Jerusalem in one word, it would be SKETCHY. I know it's possible to go there as a foreigner and the Arabs will love you. But when you're on an Israeli bus, you're guaranteed not to get that reception. We picked up a soldier in Jerusalem, who was just on leave from the West Bank and lived in Baram. As he came on the bus he sat in MY seat. But for some reason I wasn't going to argue with an Israeli paratrooper with live ammunition in his M16 (maybe M4, can't remember now). All jokes aside, he's a good guy. He's a Jew from Amsterdam who came to Israel and do his service for the army. This is not rare, Jews from all over the world serve in the Israeli Army. I even met a girl from London who was kitted out in full IDF uniform, that was a spin out to say the least.

Anyway, it was good he sat next to me. Because as we drove through East Jerusalem he was giving me a bit of a guided tour. First he pointed out the Hamas flags that Palestinian supporters were flying out the window. So I thought "hmm, I'm on the wrong bus here". Then as we drove on he pointed out posters. These posters were shocking to say the least. They are pictures of the remains of a suicide bomber and the destruction around him. These posters are praising these suicide bombings and encouraging children to look up to them. To actually see this was an eye opener to say the least.

After much meandering and an interesting conversation. The bus came to a halt, now was time for us to embark on a great Crusade into the Holy City. I had made numerous jokes about reclaiming Jerusalem for the Christians, but I kept these jokes to a minimum once I actually got there. I quite like living. Now when I pictured Jerusalem in my head, I thought it would be huge. But the Old City is not big at all. I suppose it makes sense when you think that there was no way near as many people on this planet back then. The Old City is in the centre of Jerusalem. It is surrounded by beautiful walls which you could picture the knights of Europe climbing over to win the jewel of the Christian crown.

The thing with Jerusalem is, there's no jaw dropping architecture or scenery. But it's the whole ambience of the place that I love. There is so much going on around you. You have Jews, Muslims and Christians all crammed into this small place. You got rabbis to your left, monks wearing those medieval brown robes to your right, Imams in front of you, and Arabs trying to haggle you to by their tacky merchandise everywhere. I went to the Holy Church Sepulchre, which is apparently built where Jesus was killed and buried. It was manic. The place was packed with Christians from all over the world. There was people kissing this slab which they believed Jesus' body was washed on. People were bawling there eyes out. It was very weird. But thoroughly entertaining. Perhaps I missed the point!

I spent most my time laughing to myself at the funny clothes these religious nuts were wearing. That's probably because I don't believe in their religion and to be honest, it all seemed a bit ridiculous to me. Then we went to the Wailing Wall, which is the Jews' most sacred place. It is the remaining wall of their Great Temple, which was destroyed by the Romans, they basically go to it and go mental. Absolutely doolaly. Screaming and shouting all sorts of prayers in Hebrew. I was fortunate enough to come here on Shabbat night, their holy night. There are hundreds of Jews praying here on Shabbat. The men and woman have separate parts that they must stand in. I wish I could of got a picture, but it was not allowed. This is one of the greatest spectacles I have ever seen. It truly is unreal. A pleasure to watch. Although it was here I booked my home in Hell. Whilst there was a serious religious ceremony going on, me and my mate were scouting the talent in the female part of prayer. Some absolute crackers in there. Shame they only date Jews.

The Old City is split into quarters. The Christian quarter, Jewish quarter, Muslim quarter and the Armenian quarter. They're really close together and you can see why balagan (Hebrew for chaos, trouble, mess etc. more on that another time) happens. This police is full of the most extreme of all the religions, crammed into this tiny square. Even the Christians have beef with eachother, Catholics, Orthodox etc. they have so much beef, that their most religious place is owned by a Muslim so he says when it opens and closes without the Christians arguing about it.

There's really so much to say about Jerusalem. I might split this into two parts. So I will write a bit more and wrap it up. Night time Jerusalem is probably my favourite Jerusalem. All the tourists are gone, and the whole city goes quiet. It's bizarre. It's at this time you can imagine being the geezer out of Assasins Creed, jumping from roof to roof. The streets aren't like any modern city. They're a maze, a maze you wouldn't want to get lost in. Because chances are you're being stalked by an Ali Baba who knows these streets like the top of his penis and he will definitely want your wallet.

The bus went back to the kibbutz, but most of us had money and wanted to see more. So stayed behind. We needed a place to stay. Luckily we found a hostel called 'The Swedish Hostel'. It was run by two Arabs and the furniture was definitely not from IKEA. What a rip off.

To be continued...

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